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  • tillie's Avatar 1
    My husband was diagnosed this Aug w/stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He goes for chemo every other week. So far he is tolerating it well.. He is moody and snaps at me. I am trying to be understanding, but it is wearing me down. I get upset and feel guilty. Any suggestions?
  • erika's Avatar 2
    Hello Tillie and Welcome to CSC!
    Your guilt may be a byproduct of feeling overwhelmed with this scary new situation of your husband's recent diagnoses. I imagine so is he. Also, side effects of chemo often includes changed mood and reactivity. On top of it, he is probably scared as well. This fear of the "new normal" and the unknown may be your common ground right now. You are both frightened, not knowing what the future may hold. I imagine you both would be more patient and kinder toward each other, if only you could. You would if you could, but in those pivotal moments, you can't. Maybe accepting this and cutting each other and yourself a little slack may help.
    In addition I can recommend our Helpline, which is a professional service where licensed,
    and experienced counselors stand by to help. They are empathic and understand what you are going through. We provide this service at no cost to our community. Please give them a call 1 888-793-9355. And please do come back here and let us know how you and your husband are doing.
    Sending warm wishes,

    Erika M Maslan, MA. LMFT
    CSC Group Facilitator
    and Discussion Board Monitor
  • twinlukers's Avatar 3
    I know how you feel as I have seen my sister havevher good days and bad days.
    It seems the doctors are just trying to keep her stable and control the pains.
    All I see is different types of pain meds and it wears me down because
    Itís getting to the point where we just canít do much and she needs 24/7
    Supervision. Thatís where we are even though we are thinking positive
    And upbeat.
  • erika's Avatar 4
    ē Hello again Mitch and welcome to these boards. You are asking appropriate and hard questions that deserve an honest answer. My suggestion would be to talk to your local Hospice. Hospice nurses are experienced and compassionately truthful. You may receive some of the answers you are looking for, sad as that may be. In order to move on to Hospice, typically you will need a referral from the treating oncologist, who seems to be holding back. Could it be, that while the quality of your sister's life, which feels and looks painfully dismal to witness, is something she is still attached to and not ready to let go. She still wants to hold on to her life? And could it possibly be that her doctor is aware of that and hesitates to recommend Hospice? Not trying to answer your questions with more questions, just wondering out loud.
    I have worked with cancer patients and their loved ones for over 28 years (as a CSC therapist and facilitator) and my experience with Hospice has by and large been wonderful. I think Hospice nurses are a blessing. You may want to reach out to them, with your loved ones permission, of course.
    I hope this was at least somewhat helpful to you. Please come back to us here and let us know how you are holding under these trying circumstances.
    Sending compassion and best wishes,
    DB Monitor
  • erika's Avatar 5
    In addition, Mitch, I would recommend that you give our Helpline a call. They are truly wonderful and experienced and may be able to provide comfort when you really need it.
    Our Helpline Number: 1 888-793-9355.
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